i don’t know

This morning, my daughter sent me a Tik Tok of a cool, AirPods-sporting, blond-haired girl with a look of disdain on her face. At the top of the screen, these words are written:

School making us believe our worth is determined by a grade.

And in the video, the above-mentioned girl, in a deep voice, says, “Now that was a lot of damage.”

My daughter is in her final days at school, and I guess this is her way of forewarning me that maybe her grades aren’t quite what she expected.

But it reminded me of a few thoughts I had written down.

When we are growing up, so much of life is about showing others how much we know. We are gunning for that A or B, or in some cases, simply hopeful for a C (hello, calculus!). It’s all about achieving, excelling, hitting a high note, or mastering a layup.

Kids are evaluated, tested, assessed, and judged constantly - academically, athletically, musically, and artistically - hours upon hours are spent preparing, training, and practicing. I am not saying that this is all bad; it’s just an observation, but it’s also a lot of pressure.

And then we grow up and up and older and older, and we realize that the best three words in the world, aside from I love you, are, “I don’t know”.

There is so much freedom in those words. What’s the square root of x? What’s for dinner? I don’t know. I don’t know.

At my age, I no longer feel the burden of knowing everything. In fact, I find the people who know everything - and feel the need to demonstrate that - rather annoying. And I find people, especially experts, who can honestly say “I don’t know” kind of reassuring and likeminded. Truth - there is so much we don’t know.

I no longer feel tested, evaluated, and assessed. I can read and learn for the pure joy of reading and learning. And at the conclusion of both activities, when asked, I can still say I don’t know, and I am pretty sure no one will care.

So, when we consider our children, especially now, with exams and final assessments on the horizon, championship games being played and performances gracing the stage, remember the stress they may feel about getting it right, and that their worth always exceeds the present outcome.