i’ll have a perrier

Early in our courtship, I shared with my now-husband the fact that I don’t drink. “You don’t like the taste?” he asked. “Well, no, actually. I drank enough in college to last a lifetime, or two…” I said, offering one of my canned responses.

I had worked hard to find an answer to the question - why don’t you drink?

I am allergic or on a diet, and later - I am pregnant - which for many years was basically true. I tried them all on for size, searching for a fit, just words really that kept me protected from explaining what was beneath - alcoholism.

I was worried about what you would think of me. I was concerned with the image of an alcoholic you might have in your head or, even worse, that you might think I am weak, without morals, or boring.

It’s actually strange to think that my husband didn’t know me when I drank (though probably a really good thing, too). The concepts of addiction and sobriety were newish to him, and sharing the details of a critical part of my life was difficult. I met him when I was one year sober and still loaded with shame.

There are obstacles to recovery; shame is a big one and worth facing in order to reclaim your life - a new life, a better life. It took years for me to let go of the shame (and my prepared answers) and embrace the me who just doesn’t happen to drink alcoholic beverages, and the same me who is actually grateful about that.

For more than half my life, I have been sober, which makes me old and hopefully a little wiser. I have learned a few things along the way:

• Everyone has a past, but our stories don’t need to end there - we get the chance to live today with heart and clarity

• Sharing with others our hard-earned experience brings real human connection

• In sobriety, mornings will never again feel like Groundhog Day

• There is a much bigger (not boring) life waiting for sober you, always

It’s National Alcohol Awareness month, but even if it wasn’t, I want to shout out to two young people I know who are new to sobriety - I am so proud of both of you, and I am praying for the many who are still struggling.

There was help available when I needed it - click here for a list of great resources.